Self-esteem forms the bedrock of how you perceive and care for your relationship with yourself. In essence, self-esteem is how you assess yourself through your own perspective. Do you value yourself? Do you approve of yourself? Do you genuinely like yourself? These are profound and complex questions that can be especially daunting for those struggling with low self-esteem.
Signs of low self-esteem might include:
Being sensitive to criticism from others
Being self-critical
Perfectionism
Emphasizing your failures, minimizing your victories
Socially withdrawing
Pessimism
Comparing yourself to others
One can develop low self-esteem at any stage in life and could be in response to a variety of stressors or life circumstances: maybe you fell short of expectations in career or academic performance, experienced childhood trauma, or faced criticism from unsupportive or highly critical peers and family members. Feelings of exclusion or not fitting in can also contribute significantly to diminished self-esteem.
Self-esteem, however, is something that can be improved. With a little touch of reframing and a lot of self-love and the support of a friendly therapist, one can change and replace those thought patterns that do not let your authentic self shine through and focus on cultivating: Purpose, Intentionality, Self-acceptance, and asserting yourself.
Purpose: If you are feeling low self-worth, one of the best antidotes is finding a sense of purpose in your life.. Your purpose does not have to directly connect to your work, career or school achievements either! When you live a life of purpose, you have goals you want to achieve and you make plans and choices to make it happen. Viewing life through a purpose-driven lens increases your ability to recognize and reflect on how both challenges and successes contribute to the development and acceptance of your true self. Live your life with your goal in mind and get out of your own way!
Practice Self-Acceptance: Whether you make a mistake or earn an A+ on your latest history paper, it is crucial to accept and love yourself unconditionally, showing compassion regardless of the outcome. By being kind to yourself, you honor your inherent humanity and embrace yourself fully. Recognize and respect your worth, no matter what happens.
Intentionality: Focus on the present moment. When you focus on what you are in control of right now, it can help to alleviate the desire to ruminate on the past or on the future and make room for new experiences to emerge and new behaviors to take shape with the time that you have access/control of right now. The beauty of living in the present moment is the opportunity for you to make choices and changes that support the life you want to live.
Assert Yourself: You deserve to show up and take up space in every room you enter. It’s essential to practice asserting your needs, feelings, and boundaries, both with yourself and others. Doing so not only fosters your personal growth but also allows you to embrace your authentic self more fully. As you assert yourself, you encourage others to do the same, creating a mutual environment of respect and understanding.
As with much in life, nurturing your self-esteem is a daily practice. In our humanness, there may be days where you feel your esteem to be high, and days where you will feel it to be low, and that is okay! The goal is to continue to work, see, and honor yourself for who you are and the light you offer to this world.
Till next time,
Aimee Strange, LPCC 14132