Perhaps for some parents, one of the most undesirable milestones of parenthood is the conversation with your teen about “the birds and the bees”. Despite understanding that it’s a normal part of growing up, many find it challenging to approach this topic with the same ease they might use when discussing table manners, grammar, or how to be a good friend. Although both you and your teen may find it awkward or difficult, being the parent who can have open and honest conversation about sex can support a teen by counteracting any misinformation or influence from unreliable sources.
Below are things one should consider when connecting with their teen on this topic.
No one and done
Just like you might wish that you only had to request your teen to clean their room once and it worked, it would be wonderful if we could have the “birds and bees” talk once and it be enough. The reality is, it’s in a parents best interest to have multiple conversations over time. If you are waiting to have the conversation until after your teen has become sexually active, you may have started the conversation too late. Talking with your teen as early as pre-teen years can help to address natural curiosity, with the content of the topic growing with the teen as they age.
Focus on Education, Not Just Rules
Provide accurate information about sex, consent, contraception, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Help them understand the physical, emotional, and social aspects of sex.
Create an open door policy
Let your teen know that they are always welcome to ask questions or bring up the topic of sex with you when questions or concerns arise. Always welcome the conversation by saying something like “I am glad you came to me”
Provide Resources
Offer books, websites, or other resources that can provide additional information. Ensure these resources are reliable and age-appropriate.
Seize the moment
Use Real-Life Scenarios to discuss situations or current events related to sex and relationships. Taking a moment to address relationship patterns or sexual scenarios in movies or shows can make the conversation more relevant and engaging.
Be prepared for hard questions and topics
To piggyback off number two, According to the Mayo Clinic, sex education extends far beyond conversations surrounding the basics. Questions surrounding consent, healthy v. unhealthy relationships, safe contraceptives, a person’s readiness to have sex, and sexual orientation are all things to be aware of when talking with your teen. Read more here on how to address these complex topics.
7. Stay Calm and Non-Judgmental
If the conversation veers into sensitive areas, try to remain calm and non-judgmental. Avoid reacting with shock or disapproval and be honest. If you’re unsure how to answer a question, be honest about it and offer to find the answers together.
Remember, courage creates confidence. While these probably aren’t going to be your favorite conversations with your teen, your guidance plays a vital role in helping your teen become a responsible adult when it comes to sex. And remember, if your teen seems disinterested or rolls their eyes (sigh…), continue sharing your perspective—chances are they’re still listening.
Till next time,
Aimee Strange, LPCC 14132
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