Two Brothers and a Wheelbarrow: A Story of Neurodivergence

Imagine a father asking his two sons to shovel sand from a wheelbarrow into a sandbox. The neurotypical son listens, grabs the shovel, and efficiently follows the instructions. His father nods in approval, satisfied with the task being completed as planned. Meanwhile, the neurodivergent son is captivated by the sand. Instead of shoveling it neatly, he tosses it around, marveling at how it sparkles in the sunlight. The sand lands on his brother, who grows irritated. The father yells, “What are you doing?! What’s wrong with you?”

This story is a poignant lens through which we might better understand aspects of neurodivergence—the ways some minds naturally function outside the “typical” patterns of thought, focus, and behavior.

The Neurotypical Approach: Predictable and Efficient

The neurotypical son interprets the task as a clear, linear instruction: shovel the sand into the sandbox. He follows social expectations, completes the task efficiently, and earns his father’s approval. This reflects the strengths commonly associated with neurotypical functioning, including the ability to focus on tasks as instructed, meet external expectations, and function within traditional systems such as school or work environments.

The Neurodivergent Approach: Creative and Process-Oriented

The neurodivergent son sees the sand not as a chore but as a sensory experience—its texture, weight, and sparkle ignite his curiosity and joy. His unconventional mind favors exploration/fascination/discovery over instruction/outcome/completion. This is consistent with the way many neurodivergent individuals—such as those with autism, ADHD, or sensory processing differences—engage with the world. For instance, research highlights that individuals with autism often show heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli, perceiving the world with vivid detail that others might overlook (Robertson & Baron-Cohen, 2017).

Similarly, individuals with ADHD may prioritize underlying interest or emotional connection over task completion, a phenomenon linked to dopamine regulation differences in the brain (Volkow et al., 2011). The neurodivergent son isn’t being defiant; he’s drawn to the wonder of the moment and expressing his natural way of engaging with the world.

The Father’s Response: A Reflection of Society

The father’s frustration mirrors the common misunderstanding in a neurotypical-dominant world. Phrases like “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why can’t you do what I ask?” reflect a societal tendency to pathologize behaviors that deviate from the norm rather than seeking to understand them. This can lead to feelings of shame or rejection in neurodivergent individuals, who often internalize these reactions as evidence that they are fundamentally flawed.

Shifting the Narrative: Curiosity and Inclusion

This story illustrates the need to move from judgment to curiosity. What if, instead of yelling, the father asks, “What do you see? What are you experiencing?” By seeking to understand his son’s perspective, he might recognize the beauty in his actions and support his unique way of thinking. Research supports this approach: when parents and educators adopt a strengths-based mindset [and move toward greater connection], neurodivergent children experience higher self-esteem, improved mental health, and greater success in their pursuits (Baum et al., 2017).

For the neurotypical son, success came from completing the task. For the neurodivergent son, it came from discovering the wonder in the sand. Neither approach is wrong; both reflect valuable ways of interacting with the world. True inclusion involves appreciating and accommodating these differences, creating space for every individual to thrive in their own way.

By reframing our understanding of neurodivergence, we not only honor those who think and experience differently but also enrich our own understanding of the many ways to find meaning, connection, and joy in the world.

Ciao for now,

David Byers, AMFT 147942

References

Baum, S., Schwarts, J., & Owen, S. V. (2017). To be gifted and learning disabled: Strength-based strategies for helping twice-exceptional students with LD, ADHD, ASD, and more. Prufrock Press Inc.

Robertson, C., Baron-Cohen, S. (2017). Sensory perception in autism. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 18(11), 671-684. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn.2017.112

Volkow, N., Wang, G.-J., Newcorn, J., et al. (2011). Motivation deficit in ADHD is associated with dysfunction of the dopamine reward pathway. Molecular Psychiatry, 16, 1147–1154. https://doi.org/10.1038/mp.2010.97